Thursday, December 22, 2011


Picture this: my mouth is wide open. 

No, I'm not yawning. At least not right now. Though I can try to summon one of those next, if you want to see. There's always one waiting in the wings, but it might not wait for it's cue.

No, I'm not yelling. Though that will swell in my throat later: frustration boils my insides too quickly these days. But I'm getting better at swallowing it back down. I'm trying not to scald anyone.

No, I'm not gape-mouthed in shock. Though all I'd have to do is open one of the bedroom doors and I'm sure my jaw would fall open just like that. Messes multiply overnight, it seems. They breed in the dark. And I'm not sure why but they always take me by surprise.

Picture this: my mouth is wide open and my tongue sticks out. 

No, I'm not accepting Holy Communion -- it's been a long while since I tasted bread like that. You're knocking on the right door, though. 

Mouth open, tongue out, eyes closed. Face tipped up. 

Catching snowflakes? Oh, you're so close now. But no, I'm indoors. Inside my own head, actually. Sitting in the dark. The darkest dark of the year.

What I'm doing is this: imagining the newborn sun stretching over the horizon, its rays reaching for me. When the dawn bathes my tongue, I press it to the roof of my mouth, tasting and then swallowing the light. It fills my gut and enters my blood stream, illuminating my insides from core to fingertip. I am warm. I am the light.

Next time I open my mouth I hope you can see it. I hope I can show it to you. This is my solstice prayer.