Wednesday, March 3, 2010

the breakup


I have the break-up blues.

No, no, John and I are fine. More than fine. [Seven-Year Itch? I'm talking about Seven Years' Bliss.]

I have the blues because I broke up with my yoga instructor.

[I don't think she realized we were going out, though.]

I've been with her for almost three years, following her when she moved studios, adjusting my schedule when she changed time slots.

She gave me yoga.

Her passion inspired me. Her knowledge fed me. Her instruction taught me to focus on the breath and explore my edges.

From her practice I built mine, and today I could give up yoga as easily as I could give up breathing.

But I had to give her up.

With the daily chaos kicked up by the kids, driving 30 minutes each way plus the 90 minute class started to feel like a lot to ask from my family. Not that I don't deserve time away – believe me, I do – but spare time doesn't grow on trees, as it turns out. I could certainly donate that 60 minutes of car time to some worthy cause – to the dishes [oh, the never ending dishes…], to John [because he deserves time away, too], or to all-together-time [because that's scarce sometimes as well].

So when John decided to join the local athletic club [which, significantly, is within walking distance] to begin triathlon training, I opted into the membership to hook up with the free yoga classes.

While I'm leery about the quality of these classes [the verdict is still out – I'll attend my first class next week], another factor lured me in and sealed the deal – the pool.

Many years have lapsed since I last swam – who knows what happened to my last lap-appropriate swimsuit? – and my aerobic fitness is rather slack right now. [Read: I'm woefully out of shape.]

But I jumped in tonight.

I felt buoyant. I felt light. I breathed in rhythm and felt energized. I felt strong.

And then after while, I felt like a fish out of water.

You know, out of my element. At my limit. [Drowning.]

So I exited the pool.

But I found a new edge to explore.

And maybe swimming will inform my yoga practice, too, as it forces me to focus deeply on my breath and pushes me to strengthen the edges of my endurance.

I already miss my yoga instructor, but I think the breakup will be good for me.